SHAH RUKH, BECKHAM AND I

Indians can now shout—as in Hindi movies—‘badla badla’.

My detective friend Alphonso tells me that after the Shah Rukh Khan episode in which the star was detained at Newark Airport there was much anger and sense of humiliation in India. Several young girls in Tamilnadu were planning to commit suicide but cancelled their plans when they were told that Khan never acted in a Tamil movie and it might be advisable to reserve their act of sacrifice for the passing away of a Tamil icon.

Some politicians were so moved by the actor’s predicament that they swore not to provoke a riot for at least a year as a penance even if elections were announced !

Amitabh, I understand , vowed to invite Khan to any important event at his home to ‘ make up’ for not inviting Shah Rukh for Abhishek’s wedding. .Alphonso tells me that Khan did attend the wedding wearing a dhoti, sporting a beard and spoke like a certain Bihari politician and even Amitabh mistook him for a Bhojpuri star .

However I digress. I saw this sensational new item in the Indian media .
Not just SRK, now Beckham detained at LA airport

London: Soccer star David Beckham was held up for three hours at the Los Angeles airport as his bags were searched.

The 34-year-old footballer, who flew in from London on Thursday, was fretting and fuming when Customs at the airport pulled his 12 holdalls apart, reported Sun online.

What really interested me was that while Shah Rukh and I have much in common Beckham seemed to be far apart from me. The footballer appeared to be totally outdated compared to me. This shocked me no end .

Let me explain.

To understand what I am saying please read the last line of the news report , especially the word in bold letters.

It has been ages since we in India used holdalls . I threw them away in the 1960’s . On one of my visits to London in that decade I saw what looked like dhaba wallahs and truck drivers from Punjab unroll and sleep on holdalls on the airport floor next to the toilet. I was told that they were new immigrants ,but one of those sleepy guys told me that he was part of a delegation attending an International Conference of Hoteliers and Logistics experts. .

Carpenters and plumbers from Kerala last used holdalls in the late sixties. Not any more. You see them heaving the finest suitcases at Dubai airport . Even the two- in- one[Radio cum tape recorder ,a 1970’s favorite] has been jettisoned in favor of the I – Pod.

I was therefore shocked to learn that Beckham used holdalls in this, the 21st century!!

I sent a copy of the newsreport and later my blog to my friends in India. My detective friend Alphonso says that within hours of my write up appearing in the Indian blogosphere the entire text was being sent by mobile phones to far corners of states like West Bengal.and Goa. Minutes later luggage shops were flooded by football players from leading clubs like Mohan Bagan. East Bengal, Dempo etc and by budding players asking for holdalls. It was rumored that the secret of Beckham’s success –much researched—was now out thanks to me . There is now much joy in these states and there is a possibility that a statue of mine may be erected in Kolkatta’s football Maidan.. I have been requested to send a latest photo of mine to enable statue designers to start work

I have sent a photo of mine SHOWING ME SLEEEPING ON A HOLDALL ! Saurabh Ganguly –eat your heart out.\

K,R.RAVI