INDIA’S LANGUAGE PROBLEM—LAUGHING MATTER ?

It’s not funny—the kind of serious misunderstandings that happen in India even at Union Cabinet level that can be attributed to our language problem.
I furnish a few sad or hilarious instances—all given to me by may favourite detective Alphonso.
Once Prime Minister Manmohan Singh directed his colleagues to come up with a 100 day action plan Mayawati decide on one-up-womanship.
She asked her ministers to come up with an action plan in ONE HOUR!
The state minister for Law asked his secretary –an IAS man with an M.A in Hindi literature to quickly give him at least one great idea.
The I.A.S man scratched his head , then swallowed some Benarasi paan with tobacco—khul jaaye band akal ka taala—and suggested that he and his colleagues could come up with moré than a thousand statutes for the benefit of dalits.
Armed with this idea the Minister –A Fifth standard pass-rushed to the Chief Minister at the head of a motorcade of a hundred cars and panted his way into Mayawati’s room.
‘Behenji my proposal is to come up with a thousand statues’ he said in Hindi.
Mayawati was exhilarated and slapped another minister for not coming out with such a fine suggestion.
That was how Mayawati announced the setting up of a thousand statues of herself in U.P.
When the Delhi High Court upheld gay marriages a DMK minister at Delhi was asked by the media for his opinion.
The Minister knew the party rules—no party member is allowed to have his own opinion. Only Doctor Kalaignar[That’s how Karunanidhi is addressed] can hold opinions.
The DMK man rang up his boss at Chennai
’Doctor Kalaignar what is your divine opinion on gay rights ?”
‘What a silly question .What can be sillier than to refer to a high court such matters. After all Chennai people like to be gay, they like to go to the beach and have a jally time eating shundul and peanuts. Tell the media that we are in favour of gays. There is a cinema hall in Chennai where my films usually run for years , where people can be gay and be jaally’
‘Saar what is the name of that theatre saar?”
‘Gaeity cinema you ignorant fool’ said the boss as he put the phone down.
The TV and print media carried the headlines
DMK SUPPORTS GAY RIGHTS.
On his last day as Railway Minister Laloo Yadav was asked for any last directives.
‘Yes I am worried about reports about trains being hijacked and stolen in Bihar. I have an innovative suggestion to end that. I know something about I.T . Place an order for ten google search engines to locate the missing engines and trains.’

After Mamta Banerjee took over she decided to reverse many of Laloo’s decisions.
‘She told her officials ‘I do not approve of google search engine purchase . I direct the department to buy Bong search engines’
‘Madam I think you have in mind Bing search engine’ said a nervous secretary .
‘It’s all the same. I being a Bengali I prefer Bong to Bing’ said Mamta as someone pushed a rasgoola into her mouth.
When Ram Bilas Paswan was Steel Minister he ordered the renaming of a government owned company to INDIAN CASTE IRON AND STEEL COMPANY.
He blames forward caste I.A.S officers for scuttling his plan.
Our accursed language problem.

K.R.RAVI